Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You are the jesus of drinking
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
