hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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