remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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