You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
