I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
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