I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
