Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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