So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
A+ Viking dick
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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