What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
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It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
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Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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