Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
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