I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
