I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
tell me about the fingering
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