Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
