He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I want to fling myself into the sun
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
