I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
