you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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