Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
