im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
