hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
