I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
