I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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