I'm so fucking centered right now
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
