I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
