Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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