I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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