What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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