I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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