My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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