how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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