I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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