Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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