i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
