i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
