I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
