Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
