you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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