Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize