i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize