I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
