why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
