I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
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