it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
