When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Randomize
