just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
pray to the hookup gods
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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