$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Small penises have feelings too.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize