I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
