youre lurking in front of me
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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