So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
