That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Randomize
