It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
