wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
