You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
this is an emotional support booty call
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
