I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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