I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Randomize
