Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
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I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
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Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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