Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
