yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
