Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
