they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
