My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
