I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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