yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
