fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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